Tuesday, February 16 2010
WHO AM I?
I have been virgin, wife and lover.
I have been a single parent with all the responsibilities this entails; self-supporting, menopausal, beloved and forgotten.
I have known love that transcends words.
I have felt the beckoning finger of self-destruction and the feeling of despair and inadequacy that is his Messenger.
I have laughed until I cried and cried until I laughed at my own foibles and self-delusions.
I have felt the earth groaning under the weight of humanity's spilled tears and blood; felt her agony induced by nuclear rending of her inner self.
I have wept over the pitiful carcass of someone's loved cat or dog rotting by the highway, and cursed the speed and indifference that put it there
I have known gut-knotting panic when my livelihood and that of my child were at stake. When an antiquated and unjust economic juggernaut threatened to grind the soul out of me.
I have nurtured the young; understood the sprouting independent rebellion of the teens, and both loved and resented the old.
I have kicked off my shoes and dived in the pool of sexual freedom made so enticing today -- then alone in the night regained my center and realized the emptiness of the promise.
I have longed to fly and been forced to crawl. Ached to express my inner being and been locked into roles by the needs of others.
I have been emotionaly numb from too much pressure -- and longed for such numbness from too much pain.
I have watched the flame in me flicker low from want of another's caring; felt it blaze into noonday brilliance in a tender moment of true meeting of hearts.
I have learned logic and reason and lost my heart's wisdom. I have sought answers from experts and found empty cliche's.
I have burned bras to defy my biological prison. Yet felt the deep contentment that only I can know when tiny hands move on my breast and an eager little mouth seeks life-giving nourishment from me.
I have resented man's illusion of superiority that creates acts of domination; yet felt ageless when I filled his deeper need of me.
I have packed away so many dreams and private hopes; thrown away others. I have let some of my jewels slip through my fingers because I forgot who and what I Am. And then painfully walked the inner path back to my center and met my own godhood.
I AM WOMAN!
Copyright (c) 2007 A La Lansun