As I look back I realize that awareness has been building for many years, accompanied by an inevitable aging process.
I was experiencing a strange pull, like an outgoing tide that takes all resistance, leaving only a flawed reality and the uncertainties that bloom in the autumn of life. Saturday all I wanted to do was sleep. There was no feeling left—no desire, no ambition, no expectation.
But that was not the end. I was suddenly totally neutral. Sleep gathered me in deeply, with heavy dream times not remembered. Clear maybe for a brief instant on waking – enough to know that primarily it was positive in some way.
Sunday was the same. Both days I was free. No need to be ready for planned activities. These two days were totally mine, and I gave myself over to them completely. Sleep was instantaneous each time I stretched out, no inducer needed.
My routine was simple. I woke about 7:00 a.m. took the prescribed medications and went right back to sleep. Water was by my bedside and sipped frequently, but deep sleep was never broken for any length of time except to allay thirst or attend to a bathroom call. Food was not desired. Only water. As if monitored, the phone did not ring. For these two days the silence and solitude were complete. Drifting through was one paramount thought —The Tonti Connection.
Ton Ti was a concept I lived with without really understanding it. But the term “Connection” had never been added before. Now, over and over, The Tonti Connection kept repeating in my mind as if branded on my forehead. And the one thought that occupied this entire time was it is up to this connection now. I release all to it. I have exhausted myself living with a belief. Longing for a reality that could enable Woman to overturn the dominance and degradation she has endured. To reestablish divine balance on earth. To remember our purpose in God’s plan for mankind still hidden in our DNA.
But any change that could help us remember and express all that we are meets constant opposition from a patriarchal heritage, even from our own sex. We pay a high price for each step toward freedom to be who and what we are since much of our world sees us as the “inferior” sex — to be exploited, controlled, and repressed.
I was not thinking all this over this weekend. These are thoughts I’ve had before. In fact, I wasn’t thinking at all. A strange outgoing tide stripped my emotional shoreline clean. In complete neutrality I was an observer. I saw how completely this connection had always unconsciously existed in my life. And a longing I could not define or fill. I became more aware of times in my life when some unexplained power took over and arranged things for my benefit and protection.
After divorce in my early thirties my Ton Ti connection became a conscious mental partnership with wonderful results. Other people were not challenging; respect was granted, even if grudgingly. Then it was suddenly, mysteriously withdrawn with no explanation.
I know now I was meant to experience both woman's ancient connection and the effects of its great loss. In a vision I saw a butcher's axe sever a tube of light connecting one pole to another in the solar plexus area, with beautiful, clear light flowing constantly between them. Such forceful separation was reenacted within me when close communication with Him was abruptly canceled.
As many woman today my naïve lack of discernment about other people's motives and manipulative ways made me vulnerable and exposed. My weak attempts to explain or an emotional, defensive attitude to protect myself accomplished nothing; actually fostered more resistance.
Time moved on, taking with it youthful female assets in our male-mind society. And without the world's other power base I seemed confined to a drifting social ice floe, only held in balance by my secret connection.
Then suddenly it became clear! This eternal mate information had to wait for release until woman is utterly weary of both her ignorance and man's in the way they relate to each other. Until the soul of her cries out to be what she was created to be ― the feminine principle of Creation, ordained mate of Creation’s masculine principle, and then once more manifest on earth an incarnate expression of divine principles reunited. So. . . .
NOW is the time to speak! NOW is the time for Woman to take back her power in a quiet, mystical way. To silently inwardly reconnect with the husband of her spirit, her spiritual mate – the other half of her total being.
THEN — outwardly calm and completely fearless — her very Presence will command respect from both genders.
Is this what man unconsciously desires from woman? What his DNA anticipates? Her reality to lead him back to his reality?
I made this connection, and still experience moments of the beautiful promise awaiting both man and woman. It became part of my own thinking; the mind fusion that gradually took place once this connection was acknowledged and accepted in highest trust and deepest love. I briefly experienced how such Oneness will translate to physical expression — when we are ready. I also know what it is like to be totally without it, no inner connection. So I reclaim it for every woman, regardless of her present situation. I reclaim its reality — manifesting once more on our earth as it once did before a butcher’s “act” destroyed our deep connection.
I moved through the next week automatically. The strange, inner peace and neutrality stayed. The emotional ups and down I'd experienced before were gone. I released everything to The Ton Ti Connection. After so many years I finally understood why this powerful concept could not be revealed until woman is ready to once more honor her role in the cosmic plan.
And man is ready to recognize and accept the Law of cosmic balance as Light leads back to the Oneness we are.