"Young, healthy men are losing interest in making love more often than realized. We are in the midst of an affliction," concluded the doctor's report. This respected psychiatrist's report also stated: "The duty syndrome is no longer exclusively woman's burden because many men are now discovering this down side of sexual intercourse."
As a private secretary in an exclusive mental hospital during my research for a book I had complete access to private files that confirmed the doctor's report, but I did not like his conclusion then. I like it even less now.
In the first place nobody makes love. Love IS! We share it. We are in love toether, but we don't make it. We are only instruments though which this great creative energy can express. And the common fallacy of equating "making out" with "making love" is long overdue for an overhaul.
Now, when both time and I are a little older, I see how completely both sexes have been conned into certain expectations. But why should it be necessary for our fires to be banked a bit before we gain perspective about this life- and death-giving energy? All too often this same fire consumes rather than creates; retards the flowering of a deeper relationship rather than nourishing it. So I propose a different conclusion.
Could mankind actually be evolving?
What if our Creator's evolutionary scheme is lessening interest in one expression of togetherness to herald the flowering of another? One that will transcend the instincts of the garment we wear? One that will involve more of our total being?
Why should this be conidered a negative? What if it is simply a sign of a new era in mankind's development? Could it be that we are finally ready for something more than five-sense sensations? Ready to explore wider frontiers? And a diminishing sexual drive is but a prelude?
The pill gave women the freedom to try out the grass on the stud side of the fence. Only another woman can know the thoughts that preceeded this freedom For the sake of a fleeting sensation, not always guaranteed, we inherited temporary breakfasts and barrel-shaped bodies. The climax, of course is labor -- hard labor. So if we are truthful, a lot of us might admit we were never all that impressed. We used it to gain our own ends because it was the only power we were granted.
But are we still riding the bandwagon that equates man's sexual performance as a measure of his love for us? Wouldn't it be a truer sign if he took out the garbage? Or better yet, took you out to dinner? What about the times he's helped you with the dishes? Isn't that "making love" visible?
A man that is not exhausted mentally or physically can have an erection or ejaculation with you or any other female. But for how many women will he patiently hang a picture three or four time until it "clicks" for you? For how many women will he labor in youth, middle age, even past his prime to help you and the progeny you create together eat regularly and sleep in a sheltered place?
We must be sure we have this Woman's Lib Hat on straight if we are to help liberate our men from the penal prowess yardstick used to evaluate them. Liberate us both beyond the rituals that have enslaved us for too long.
Grandma firmly believed that the "beast" in man had to be held at bay until he paid the price demanded of him --- his whole life's labor. But is this any more out of focus than today's media circus, the hell-bent rush to rouse and nourish the beast in woman as well as man?
As an attractive divorcee' I often faced an old challenge. "Prove you're a woman, honey." uttered softly but firmly. One moderately priced dinner and I was expectd to prove my womanhood -- his way, of course. And many of my sisters whose self-confidence was dragging after a failed marriage were ripe plums for the picking.
That is unless they had already faced their own feelings honestly and stopped playing the fee-to-the-male role. A female "something" is not necessarily a Woman. (Ever hear of a "woman" wall socket?)
We gals have to find our own identity if we are to help our guys find theirs. Could the soul of man be issuing an unconscious call for our help? And if we are not answering, could today's increasing violence toward women be the result?
With Grandma's rules no longer in effect, what picture of Woman are we presenting?
Some experts claim a male can separate his sexual activity more readily from the rest of him. I wonder if the detachment is as great as man thinks. For woman, such schizoid separation can wreak havoc because sooner or later, deep in the night, the Woman of her will resent the insensitivity such a relationship demands of both sexes.
Come on, gals. Let's give our guys a chance to get over their hangups while we dig deeper and discover what separates Woman from female. We don't need the experts to tell us what we prefer. It's time we decide this for ourselves. Time we listened to our own inner voice.
To know what you prefer instead of saying Amen to what the world
tells you what you ought to prefer is to have kept your soul alive.
Robert Louis Stevenson said it, and it should join the picture gallery on our refrigerator door. For if we honestly don't know what Woman stands for, She can fall for anything.
Maybe She already has.
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Copyright (c) 2008 Anne Forrest Elmore