My life's work is about...
The Cosmic Love Story-
The Eternal Mate
Formerly...
The Tonti Conection
By: A La Lansun

Join us Friday, June 4th, 2010 @ 2 PM Pacific time and participate in
an interesting discussion of this important topic with A La Lansun. 

 See audio of conference on Reflections of Light page.

As I look back I realize it has been building for some time. There were doubts, physical problems, the inexorable passage of time with its inevitable aging process. All of which added to an increasing feeling of helplessness at times.
   But that was not the end. I was experiencing a strange pull, like an outgoing tide that takes all resistance, all doubt, and leaves only a flawed reality -- reduced physical abilities and monetary uncertainties that bloom in the autumn of life.
   Saturday all I wanted to do was sleep. There was no feeling left. No desire, no ambition, no expectation. It was not depression.  I was suddenly totally neutral. And sleep gathered me in deeply, with heavy dream times not remembered. Clear maybe for a brief instant on waking -- enough to know that primarily it was positive in some way.
   Sunday was the same. Both days I was free. No need to set the alarm to be ready for necessary activities. My daughter was busy with her real-estate clients. These two days were totally mine, and I gave myself over to them completely. I did not even turn back the bed covers but slept on top with a light throw over me. And sleep was instantaneous each time I stretched out, no medication needed.
   My routine was simple. I woke about 7:00 a.m. took the required glucose reading and prescribed medications, and went right back to sleep. Water was by my bedside and sipped frequently, but deep sleep was never broken for any length of time, only to allay  thirst or attend to a bathroom call. Food was not desired. Only water. As if monitored, the phone did not ring, not even a telemarketer call. For these two days the silence and solitude were complete.   Drifting through was one paramount thought --- The Tonti Connection.
   Although years ago I briefly experienced this consciously, it had become just a memory, just a concept. The term "Connection" had never been added before.  Now over and over the words "The Tonti Connection" kept repeating in my mind, as if branded on my forehead. And the one thought that occupied this entire time was that it is up to The Tonti Connection now.  I release all to it. I have exhausted myself in living with a belief, a longing for its return, for its reality.
   This concept is based entirely on the desperate need of this planet for polarity balance to help Woman overturn the dominance, degradation, and belittlement she has endured for centuries. But to bring about this balance Woman needs help she has not yet received. In spite of some progress, there are not enough women in power positions to create effective changes. Also, unfortunately, some who are in power positions that could make a diffrence have forgotten to express the true nature of woman. So the humanitarian changes that could help woman express all that she is consistently meet obstinate opposition from a patriarchial heritage -- even from her own sex. Each step toward her freedom to be has a high price. Much of the world still sees Woman as the inferior sex, to be exploited, controlled, and repressed.
   But I wasn't thinking all of this over this weekend. These are thoughts I've had before. In fact, I wasn't thinking at all. A strange outgoing tide had stripped my emotional shoreline clean. In complete neutrality I was an observer. I saw how completely this connection had always unconsciously existed in my life. And there was always a longing I could not define or fill.  I became more aware of times in my life when some unexplained power took over and arranged things for my benefit and protection in the past.
   After my divorce in my early thirties I watched as a conscious telepathic connection gradually became a way of life, with wonderful results. Other people did not challenge me. Respect was automaticaly given, even if sometimes grudgingly.
   Then I lost it. I know now that I was meant to experience both woman's ancient past connection and the great loss that occurred.  I had a vision. A butcher's axe severed a tube of light connecting one soul to another in the solar plexus area, with beautiful, clear light constantly moving between them. 
   This forceful separation was reenacted within me when telelpathic communications were abruptly canceled. And without this wonderful help,  lacking clear discernment of other people's motives and manipulative ways, I was a woman alone --- vulnerable and exposed. Efforts to protect myself only produced an emotional, defensive attitude that accomplished nothing and fostered more resistance.
   Time inexorably moved on, and with it youthfulness and its accompanying good looks, both definite assets in a male-controlled society for man is a visual responder. And without an impressive amount of the world's other acceptable power base I was theoretically confined to a social ice floe to float to a lonely and unheralded death. 
   Then suddenly it became crystal clear. This information had to wait until woman was utterly weary of her ignorance and man's in the way they relate to each other. That now is the time to "speak" The Tonti Connection! The time for Woman to take back her power in a quiet, mystical way. To silently and wisely reconnect inwardly with her spiritual mate, the other half of her total being.
   Then --- outwardly calm and completely fearless --- her very Presence will command instinctive respect, especially from men without them even knowing why they automatically respond this way. Is this what man unconsciously desires from woman and is waiting for?
   I've seen it happen.  It happened to me. I had this connection! I know it works! I also know what it is like to be without it. So now I reclaim it, not only for myself but for every woman, regardless of her present situation.
   The rest of the week I moved through its requirements automatically. A strange neutrality stayed. The emotional ups and down I'd experienced before were gone. I released everything to The Tonti Connection.
   After so many years I finally understood. This powerful concept could not be revealed until women, myself included, reached the point where we are ready to once more honor ourselves.  To express the creation we are and re-establish this ancient connection once more on earth.

*   *   *
Copyright (c) 2010 A La' Lansun

 

    In our society males are traditionally reared in the old competitive mode of the animal kingdom. So with women's advancement in fields previously  considered male territory, how he reacts depends on the man.  If by early conditioning,  or because of emotional immaturity, a man already considers women inferior, what does this do to his male pride? Could the increasing violence toward women be an expression of emotional insecurity and unresolved anger?  Of his inability to cope with the decline of long-held traditional roles?
   What does a man feel, how does he react when he suddenly discovers that the old rules of "keep 'em barefoot and pregnant" no longer need to hold us back?  And if the loss of accepted power to dominate a woman is an underlying cause of increasing violence toward women, how can we help men realize what we are really asking of them? That far from reducing their role in our relationship. we are asking them to give more of their reality to us.
   The macho male image, strong in some cultures, does little to encourage men to be open and perceptive in their relationships with women. It will require a definite change in the way they relate to us. They might actually discover that it's nice to be able to express their feelings and not  always be expected to have control of every situation.
   There is no doubt that we women are demanding a long overdue chance to express our talents and abiities.  And it is only fair that we finally receive equal pay for equal work, but  present research on violence toward women should also alert us to the dangers inherent in this evolutionary transition toward balance.
   I believe we women have a big responsibility.  History is full of examples of women who led the way in social and humanitarian reforms. Relationships are our god-given business.  And we are good at it --- when we want to be.
   Fortuntely, we have help. Many men have also joined the crusade to steer humanity safely through the troubled waters that an exit from stereotyped roles produced.  In his book Michael McGill, Ph.D., Professor at Southern Methodist University, competently addresses the inabiity of men to share their thoughts and feelings, even with each other. The McGill Report on Male Intimacy is an eye-opener for women as well as for men, and should be read by both sexes.
   We women can start by doing some individual and collective soul-searching. Consider the following questions, privately and honestly. Especially if you are a teenager who has forgotten that this period of your life is less than a third of your probable life span.  So how will it affect the rest?

• Do you actually want to have sex with most of the males you meet and know? Do they really attract you?  Do they appeal in any way beyond their physical appearance?
• Are you using sex as a tradeoff?
• Are you caught in the trap where you are afraid that saying NO may produce a social vacuum?
• Do you sometimes have the feeling you are caught in a revolving door, not going anywhere you want to go?
• Are you just marking time? Hoping that at least one frog will turn into a prince; therefore the more frogs, the better your chances?  
     Well some frogs, like toads, can produce warts.  And society's warts are clearly evident today in the herpes and AIDs plagues that first struck the sexually permissive part of society but now strike the innocent and the newborn. 
     Are we women still operating under the old value system that required so many cows or camels as proof of our worth? What is your gut reaction to the following statement made by a television executive named George Gerber; it's still an industry standard: 

                 In a basically male-oriented  power structure, you can't
                 alienate the male viewer. But you can get away with
                 offending women because most women are pretty well
                 brainwashed to accept it.*

I rest my case.

*New Woman's A Thump On The HEAD To. . . August 1983.

                            Copyright (c) 2010 Anne Forrest Elmore                                   

AWAKENING
November 16, 1963
A La Lansun

  Yoga and many eastern philosophies speak of the Kundalini force housed in the base of the spine as the golden elixer of alchemy, the life force that circulates, once activated, up through the spinal column, illuminating the liquid therein.  It passes through the soul centers or chakras and finally reaches the Lotus Center chakra at the top of the head.  Here complete illumination takes place.
   And it seems that Enlightenment is not gained at the sacrifice of any part of us, which means our lower chakras and our higher chakras must all be opened.  No part of ourselves is to be ignored or labeled unfit. The Lion (emotional nature) and the Lamb (spiritual nature) must, as the Bible foretells, lie down together in perfect harmony.  But opening the lower chakras has its pitfalls. It arouses feelings and emotions the world labels as sexual. It increases awareness in your own body, and unless understood this could lead to a heap of trouble. It may appear our spiritual and physical natures are at war with each other. You come into conflict as your body seems to be more acute.
   If met with understanding this passes. it seems to be a necessary step to bring the lower chakras and Self into alignment, the awakening of both aspects of yourself that they may blend in true harmony of being.  The poet-philosopher Kahlil Gibran touches on this in his book The Prophet in his chapter on "Reason and Passion."  But passion is not as earth usually interprets it.  It is "feeling" nature and not confined to sexuality alone. Something of this greater meaning is expressed in the religious phrase "The Passion of Christ." 
   Earth man rarely can arouse this deep inner awareness in woman.  He isn't meant to for the simple reason that neither he nor woman would know how to handle it.  It would make an animal of man and a slave of woman.  But the Light and your own true polarity can do this and keep it under control as it brings you to fuller awarenss. This life force is then gradually directed up the spinal column, illuminating, clearing and connectng all centers.
   There are several ways this can be handled, always under the control of the Essence of your eternal mate: through its predetermined physical extension; through an interdimensonal experience with your Beloved in what we call a dream, or even interdimensionally consciously. This can also be accomplished through  the force undulating through the spinal column over extended time.  However it happens, it is not a fearful or ugly thing as some who do not understand may label it. It is a beautiful and fulfilling experience that has great and deep purpose.
    Principally, remember always to affirm that you are in the Light and nothing but good may enter any part of your being. That the Christ Self of you is in control, and your whole being must obey this Self.  This is your protection to ensure gradual awakening and your ability to handle it.
   But this is far from the picnic unknowers may believe it to be. For one thing having come beyond obsessive need for human sexuality, you desire a union that is of the soul, far above what you experience in physical union.  You remember, deep inside, that when souls are involved the wonder experienced by both parties far surpasses any sensation the physical alone can give, for it is impossible to express through flesh alone what Love can express through its human instruments.  And until it is exerienced, even briefly, you do not comprehend the "so much more" that is possible.
   Soul must embrace soul for a total union, and this is the missing ingredient in your world. You can have mental and physical union, but the missing ingredient makes the great difference.  We are working with some who do not even know that total oneness is possible.  So you will experience oneness on all levels of awareness, mind, body, and spirit, and then finally blend all three.
   Some in the Light are working on one principal aspect. Those deeply concerned wth pure "spiritual" unfoldment are rounding out this lagging part of their trinity.  Some are working primarily on the mental, knowedge-expansion level. and some are working almost entirely on the physicai level -- rigid diets, overcoming this, overcoming that.  You can concentrate on one rung of evolution's ladder for most of one lifetime and then move on from rung to rung in other lifetimes. To each his or her own requirement and pace.
    So do not let the paths of others deter you from following your soul's guidance.Those compressing all three aspects of themselves in this lifetime are ready to prepare for reunion as the Logos Incarnate, and this is why, after fifty-five years of silence, I can now speak of The Tonti Connection because there are those ready to hear.
  Listen within.
  The young lion of the biblical phrase is our emotional nature.  It is the youngest aspect of ourselves. First our spiritual nature, then our mental nature, and finally our emotional nature were created. This is still the order of manifestation. Creation begins on the spiritual level, descends through the mental level, and finally reaches the physical level. So our emotional nature is actually our primitive nature. Emotion drives us, but Feeling moves us. Emotion makes us slaves; feeling lights the Christ within. They are not the same. Emotions reverse cause then effect because we react first and then act. But when we operate from our feeling nature, the perceptive, intuitive heart of ourselves, we are in a high citadel, about which the storm of outside pressure can rage but never truly penetrate. Your wise Emerson says: "Place yourself in that stream of power and wisdom wherein you are impelled without effort to truth, right action and content."
   The lower chakra is the seat of physical empathy.  Sensitivity begins in the groin but later extends all the way down the legs to the feet.  When this is activated, you literally feel the physical pain of others in your own body.  When you view another's wound, your own body reacts. This is hard to experience in a world so full of much pain. The solar plexus chakra is the seat of emotional empathy, and the heart chakra responds to deep feeling pain that penetrates to the soul. As these chakras are opened and cleared, your own body aligns with these chakras in others.
   But -- and this is an important point and why this information is among 'the most carefully guarded secrets of the inner temples.' --misunderstood, misused, or exploited it can lead to depravity, insanity, and many human mistakes.  For you have released unlimited creative power. Therefore, only a soul who has truly developed the higher self is considered ready to awaken the Lion and thus make him lie alongside the Lamb of himself. Otherwise the lion would and could destroy the lamb. And awakening this chakra is only done by a Master, your own eternal mate, who carefully supervises the entire process. Even Subud, which has touched on this great truth, knows enough to work only with their own earth mate in this aspect of awakening.
   The force begins activity by a warm, undulatng sensation in the lower back and genital area. It is not unpleasant at all.  Feels much like the warm comfort of a heating pad during menstrual cramps. You may experience some pain in the lower back at times.  You may also feel sensations in the vagina. You are used to pressure in other areas of your body and head.  This is no different.  It simply means the Light has begun to work on the lower chakras.  It may increase physical tension, much as sexual frustration can do.  Accept it for what it is. It is neither wrong nor unholy.  It is a phase that will lead to greater awareness, well-being, and even youthfulness, for it can contribute much to your total being.
   A word of caution, if this force begins, keep this strictly to yourself. There is no need to open yourself and your Beloved to the ignorance of many. This is the most powerful of chakras. Ever wonder why this area is called sacrum?  Accept the great responsibility it brings. Check it out with your own Tonti Connection. He can take you through it with beauty and grace. Many, even some fine souls in the Light, will not experience this greater awareness  or opening of all centers, hence your necessary caution.  As long as you know  there is only one power and one presence at work in your life and affairs you will ride through it triumphantly and thoroughly enjoy the greater vibrance and energy it will bring during the process --  and the ultimate result.
   Seek to lie close to the diamond heart of you both  As you have been told many times, Love is the greatest creative force existing. And you are creating even though your human mind may not be able to comprehend it all. Immaculate Conception is a reality.  Just as two human bodies, male and female, must unite to bring forth new life so must the spiritual bodies or Principles, male and female, unite to bring forth the Christ image wthin each one --- in form --- if this is your contract with divine energy it will come to pass however you can accept without fear and in love in exactly the right way and right time.
   Consider your biblical Adam/Eve story in the light of this great force being considered as a serrpent in many other cultures, both past and present. 
   Adonai Vasu, dear ones. 
                                      Copyright (c) 2010 A La Lansun

    
   
  
                                 

 

   KlaLa's dark eyes, lustrous in the soft light. mesmerized me by the inner force of her being. Her voice, soft but firm, repeated her statement.
   "Woman must regain her own inner power if the world of mankind is to survive. There is no alternative. The imbalance between the poles of created life, human life, can no longer exist. The race of man on earth will not continue as long as one polarity dominates, degrades, and abuses another. It is against divine law; it is repugnant to any truly civilized race."
   I stared at her, fascinated by the grace of her movements, the quiet authority emanating from her. Without effort, she commanded attention and instinctive respect.
   At the same time I was painfully aware of the contrast between us. My shapeless muumuu covered a body that reflected the stress of time devoted to the welfare of others. I felt shame; the shame of my spirit that had resigned itself to being shunted off on a siding of life. Like the ancient passive acceptance of an old Eskimo woman who took her place on an ice floe to drift outward to a lonely, ignoble death.
   She interrupted my thoughts, having read the images in my mind clearly. "In much of your world there is little difference in the attitude toward women today, for all the much touted liberation.  Men also experience the rejecton of society unless they have acquired the coin of the realm and the power it can supply in your world.
   "But for those who honor the message of the heart before the lure of acquisition, there is not even grudging respect. You are consigned to society's own brand of ice floe to drift silently, ignored and forgotten, toward a nameless death.
   "Yet there are few in your world who could walk the road you and many of your sisters have walked. Without support, either financial or emotional, you still  held to the integrity  of the heart's wisdom."
   Her lovely dark lashes lay against pale golden perfect skin as she glanced at something on the crystal table before her. Again those brilliant, commanding eyes met mine.
   "And this is why this story must be told.  Its time has come. It will be told first as fiction, for as one of your eminent journalists of the past once said: 'Truth can only be told as fiction.'  It can only be introduced behind the protective mask that fiction provides.
   "For those who are ready  -- it becomes fact. They identify with and rcognize the truth behind the mask. They receive the message clearly. For those who are not ready, it presents only a harmless story, a moment's entertainment. And if it challenges their proud intellects and prejudices, it is easily dismissed as pure fantasy.
   "Still, my Sister, the message will have gone forth into the ethers of the collective mind. The seed will have been sown. And one day it will blossom, even in the consciousness of those who at first ridicule its message."
   I asked: "But who will tell such a story? One that you say will challenge the opinions and beliefs of mankind. It would have to be someone who has already received public acceptance, whose work is already known, wouldn't it?"
   "No, my Sister. The tale will be spun from an ordinary life that is not so ordinary after all. You, my Sister, will tell our story. The story of Woman -- of her great and noble place and purpose in the Creator's plan."
   I stared at her, momentarily struck dumb by the import of her words.  "But," I stammered, "my life has been so ordinary, at least outwardly. Even my writing has always been more for my own pleasure and growth. So who would pay attention to any story I wrote, especially one such as you describe?"
   He smile was warm and very gentle; it softened the strength of her face. Feminine, very feminine, but one sensed the controlled power that lay behind the beauty of face and form.
   "That, my Sister, is where the Tonti comes in." 
   She saw my startled expression. "Yes, you know this word well, but do you know its actual meaning?"
   I shook my head. "No, not actually."
   "He is all things to Woman -- Counselor, Friend, Protector, Provider -- the Husband of her Spirit.  Our Beloved. He is, in short, the fifth and final face of her god." She settled back in her comfortable chair.
   "Man, you know, created his own god. First as Father, created in man's image, not the other way around. So the Father of your world's religions became a commanding, authoritative figure, subject to fits of wrath and capable of punishing his disobedient children. A vengeful, judgmental god who declared 'an eye for an eye!.'"
   I nodded, remembering the God of Moses with his innumerable laws and his unmerciful judgments.
   KlaLa smiled in agreememt. "But man does not remain a helpless child.  Evolution exists in the unfoldment of consciousness, even as physical evolution ocurred in your world to refine a vehicle to house the Essence."
   She rose and walked gracefully to a huge window, curved to conform to the ship. Outside, the blackness of space emphasized the lustrous whitenss of her gown, girdled with gold around her waist. The material, softer than silk, seemed to move with her, outlining the slender lines of her body.
   I was silent, overwhelmed by my surroundings. The uncluttered atmosphere of the room did not give the feeling of sparseness.  Instead, the effect was one of elegance reduced to perfect functional comfort.
   She turned, smiling at my wide-eyed observation. "We follow one of your poet soul's advice:  'Simplify, simplify, simplify.' Yet, as you have already observed, we do not sacrifice comfort in any way."
   She seated herself again across from me at the crystal table. Her slender, expressive hands rested on top of a crystal tablet in front of her.
   "And now I would address you in a word from our language. . .Sulari. It means Sister of Light, and is not used lightly. It is a key to your awakening, to your memory, and it is right at this time that you should be so addressed."
  I repeated the word as she had pronounced it.  "Soo-la-ree." The sound was sibilant and pleasing. It struck a spark within.
   KlaLa was watching my reaction intently, and seemed pleased at what she sensed; that the word had indeed touched a part of me, but she gave no further explanation.
   She continiued:  "The second face man created for his god added the softness, to a limited degree, of woman. Ancient religions addressed the truth in that there were gods and goddesses.  Later, religions made woman a secondary figure, extolling primarily her biological function.  But women instinctively sensed her true importance, and their prayers were often addressed to her rather than the patriarchial figure identified in most of earth's religions."
   I murmured, "Mary.  The mother of Jesus."
   Again she nodded.  "And through her, another, a third face of man's god, a Savior, came to man's mind. Someone to absolve man of his own ignorance and error. But the image and message of this Great One sent to your world was warped and twisted, again to man's expediency. Ceremony and myth were woven together to produce a concept of forgiveness by the mere act of acknowledging His presence on your world.
   "Gone was the lesson He came to teach, to demonstrate. That the duality of mankind, expressed in his own life as Son of Man and Son of God, need not be a permanent state. That Oneness with the Creator of All could be achieved if man would surrender his ego, which carries the genetic aggressiveness and territorial instincts of the body, to the greater image placed within by the Creator.
   "Instead, this One was deified into a glorified excuse for man to continue his own ignorance and his warlike tendencies, even in the name of the One, because all would be forgiven would it not? No great effort was demanded to emulate this One because he was accorded the distinction of being unique. Therefore, it was considered impossible to achieve his exalted state of consciousness. And thus mankind was robbed of the Call to unfold its own innate Christhood. Yet by the words attributed to this One in your religious writings, he denied his uniqueness. 'Ye are gods. That which I do, ye may do also, and greater.'" Her dark eyes met mine squarely.  "Is this not so?"
   I bowed my head, feeling the weight of the world's ignorance touch me. "Yes, perhaps we are still children who need someone to rescue us from our own ignorance.  And another to blame as the cause in the first place."
   KlaLa smiled tenderly. There was no judgment in those beautiful eyes. "Yes, mankind has covered its own actions, its own thoughts, very conveniently. It is true of all of earth's religions. Man has refused responsiblity for his own creative power by delegating responsibiity for both good and evil outside himself.
   "It was only late in your last century that another face of your god could be introduced. The judgmentalism of the Father, the gentle but passive influence of the Mother, and the immaturity and fear that require a Savior have all prepared the way of a wider view for some -- to that of Elder Brother, One who walks beside man, who provides the loving guidance and protection that an older, wiser, and caring brother would provide for a much younger sibling."
   I looked at her expectantly.  "I can see our progression up to four.  Do we move beyond Elder Brother in our understanding?
   "Yes, for woman, to the Tonti. It is a word revered in our language.  It has great meaning, but it is difficult to translate to your language.  I will try." She hesitated. "It implies highest trust, deepest love, and a personal relationship that exceeds any so far assigned to any other face of your god. He is primarily Woman's avatar. 
   She was silent for a moment, then added:  "Man has a similar companion, but we will deal with that later."
   I was curious, eager to understand. To know more of the true meaning of this long familiar word. "Is this what we call a guardian angel?"
   She smiled, clearly enjoying my curiosity. "In some respects, yes. But it is more, much more, as you my Sulari have already discovered."

Continuing. . .

CHAPTER ONE - THE PRESENCE

(Preview of a fiction-fact book?  Final form undecided}

                                      Copyright (c) 2010 by A La Lansun

                          

Now I lay me down to sleep,
     I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
  When at dawn I greet the day
     Teach me Lord to walk Thy way.

    God bless Mommie, Daddy, too,
       Not just now, but all life through.
    God bless little creatures small.
  Feed and shelter. one and all.

God bless everyone we love
Here on earth and up above
          Little children, where'ere they be.
          God bless them, and God bless me.

   Help me to be kind and true.
      Gentle, loving --- just like You.
Let me always thankful be
     For all the blessings given me.

 

        For Linda from Mom:  December 20, 1957

As far back as May 1, 1985 the problem began to focus when Dennis Wholey, host of a Latenight America telecast (WTVS, Detroit, Michigan)  interviewed Ms. Pat Collins, Arts and Entertainment Editor then for CBS Morning News. The subject was violence and sex, and the connection between media programming that featured physical abuse of women in sexual scenes and the steadily increasing violence toward women.
    Examples used at the time included the results of an experiment performed at the University of Wisconsin in which college-age men were exposed to a stready diet of films and videos where women were raped and/or murdered in graphically violent ways. At the conclusion of the prescribed exposure period, a mock rape trial was held, with these same men acting as the jury.
   Without exception, every one of them sided with the rapist and against the victim. In addition, during the question and answer period that folowed, the same young men flatly stated that if they had the opportunity they, too, would rape.
   The men were then put through a debriefing, during which time they did not view any "slasher" films. After the debriefing period, the same mock rape trial was conducted, with exactly the same evidence presented. This time they sided with the victim and against the rapist. In other words, when the stimulus of this type of material was removed, their attitude and their decision were completely reversed.
   Nor is the negative attitude toward women confined to single men in the college age group. Psychiatrists report that an alarming number of their women patients tell them that after their husbands watch films in which there is bondage, whipping, or other forms of destructive behavior aimed at women, the men want their wives to reenact such scenes with them.  At first the wives accede to their huband's requests for the sake of the marriage, but as the scenes become more intense and physically abusive, they are forced to refuse. By the time these women finally seek professional help, the marriages are totally shot and the women have sustained considerable emotional damage.
   By connecting sex and violence the way such material does the message is also conveyed that sex and violence go together, are interchangeable. For example, when sexually explicit films were shown during the research period, the men became sexually aroused only when violence toward women was introduced.
   What did this research tell us way back then?  It should have rung a loud alarm, and based on today's statistics It must sound an even louder alarm today. Have women been conditioned to accept, even expect, such treatment by centuries of nonrestance and devaluation of our worth?  That we still feel obliged to tolerate a relationship with someone who uses us or violates us, emotionally and/or physically? Are we still so ignorant of our own nature and self-worth that we can be shoved in the wrong direction?
   So much is spouted today, even out of the mouths of twelve- and thirteen-year olds, about great sex.  But who is talkkng about great love?  These two facets of human experience seem to have been surgically separated.  It is hard to listen to the wistfulness in the voices of many young women who use the past tense when they speak of a belief in a great love relationship. 
   Well, maybe our minds can buy this, but our hearts cannot.  It's time to remember a basic law --people create and sustain what they give their attention to; what they support, actively or passively. So when the physical side of human nature is constantly reinforced and projected, we should not be surprised if a relationship never develops empathy or intimacy in other areas.
   The frightening thing is that research statistics since the 1980s reinforce the problem of increasing violence toward women.  When colleges have to actively deal with date rape and high-school couples include physical abuse as a "normal" part of their relationships, it is time to draw the line. We may have already lost one generation.
    What guidelines does a fourteen year old have to steer though such emotional waters? It might help her to remember our biological difference. For the male of any species sexual intercourse involves projection and release.  For the female it involves opening and receiving. 
   That difference can tell her a lot.

Copyright (c) 2010 Anne Forrest Elmore